I didn't want to tell Matt about Natalee. I didn't want him to think I was a funeral crasher. I thought this blog was a perfect place to vent my frustrations.
But she cancelled me Tuesday night, and this blog was not quite enough. She didn't call me, you know. She didn't give me a reason for cancelling; if she did I might have felt like writing about it. She didn't say whether she ever wanted to meet again.
This is what she texted me, at 3 pm: "I hope you're not counting on having dinner with me tonite. I'm not in town."
My phone buzzed, I read the text and got a horrible nosebleed. I had to lay on the floor for nearly half an hour before it stopped. Matt cleaned my desk for me and was quite worried. Even though I've known him for almost five years now, I've never had such a bad one in front of him before. I didn't tell him what had invoked it. Not then.
But yesterday I blurted it all out, I started telling him about her at 10.30 in our coffee break, and almost spoke non-stop for twenty minutes. I just didn't understand Natalee, and I thought perhaps Matt could tell me what was going on. I guess I expected him to know a tad more about women because he's got Sally.
"By the sounds of it," Matt said when I'd finished, "you've found yourself a cock tease."
"You mean she never wanted to sleep with me in the first place?"
"I dunno why women do what they do, but she's a cock tease, she is. If you care for my advice, mate, steer clear from the likes of her."
I nodded, as if I knew exactly what he meant.
"The only way to get her out of your system is to pull some crumpet."
So I'm going to Fabric with him this Friday. I have to say I'm quite excited about the Japanese Popstars...
czwartek, 21 maja 2009
środa, 13 maja 2009
Oral lap dance
"George," Natalee asked, "do you have an STD?"
"Not that I know off," I said. "Why?"
She shrugged and took another bite. Green Thai curry is what she cooked me this time. I'm pretty sure she made it herself: I saw the opened packet of curry paste when I went rummaging through her fridge for milk, Wednesday morning.
No, we didn't fuck, in case you were wondering.
When I got to her place again, at first we pretended nothing had happened. We talked as if she hadn't told me what she had told me. Although I'm on new pills again, I was pretty nervous about the spicy food, so I mainly pushed it around on my plate, until she asked me, very straightforwardly, what exactly triggers my nosebleeds.
"Well," I said, "as you witnessed at Simon's funeral, it happens when I get upset. Or when I eat spicy food. And alcohol does the trick too, makes the blood thin, I guess."
"Then eat up," she said, "and let's get you sloshed."
"Sorry?" I said. I must have looked incredibly stupid while she took my glass of fizzy water to the kitchen and returned with a bottle of vodka.
I had no say in the matter. She made me eat the curry, which was the spiciest thing I've tasted for years. The last time I had something so spicy was at Jamie's place, when his brother and his pals tied me up and forced a bottle of hot sauce down my throat to see me bleed without punching me. They called me a girl when I did. It's not like I can help it, but I suppose neither can girls.
Any way, she just sat opposite me and watched me eat. I must say the new medication is great. So great, that it made me worry. At this point my shirt should have been drenched in blood, but nothing happened. Yet. And then she made me drink. Well, that did it: Two swigs and I was mixing a true Bloody Mary.
And then, the most amazing thing happened. Natalee got up without saying a word, leaned over me and started to lick. I sat frozen, didn't know what was going on, while she circled and licked my upper lip, my nostrils, the in and the outside... it was the most sensual thing I've ever experienced - so sexy I couldn't move. Kinda like a lap dance, when you just sit and cannot believe it is real.
And then she offered me her sofa. I don't know why she did that, I could easily have gone home. But how could I decline?
"Not that I know off," I said. "Why?"
She shrugged and took another bite. Green Thai curry is what she cooked me this time. I'm pretty sure she made it herself: I saw the opened packet of curry paste when I went rummaging through her fridge for milk, Wednesday morning.
No, we didn't fuck, in case you were wondering.
When I got to her place again, at first we pretended nothing had happened. We talked as if she hadn't told me what she had told me. Although I'm on new pills again, I was pretty nervous about the spicy food, so I mainly pushed it around on my plate, until she asked me, very straightforwardly, what exactly triggers my nosebleeds.
"Well," I said, "as you witnessed at Simon's funeral, it happens when I get upset. Or when I eat spicy food. And alcohol does the trick too, makes the blood thin, I guess."
"Then eat up," she said, "and let's get you sloshed."
"Sorry?" I said. I must have looked incredibly stupid while she took my glass of fizzy water to the kitchen and returned with a bottle of vodka.
I had no say in the matter. She made me eat the curry, which was the spiciest thing I've tasted for years. The last time I had something so spicy was at Jamie's place, when his brother and his pals tied me up and forced a bottle of hot sauce down my throat to see me bleed without punching me. They called me a girl when I did. It's not like I can help it, but I suppose neither can girls.
Any way, she just sat opposite me and watched me eat. I must say the new medication is great. So great, that it made me worry. At this point my shirt should have been drenched in blood, but nothing happened. Yet. And then she made me drink. Well, that did it: Two swigs and I was mixing a true Bloody Mary.
And then, the most amazing thing happened. Natalee got up without saying a word, leaned over me and started to lick. I sat frozen, didn't know what was going on, while she circled and licked my upper lip, my nostrils, the in and the outside... it was the most sensual thing I've ever experienced - so sexy I couldn't move. Kinda like a lap dance, when you just sit and cannot believe it is real.
And then she offered me her sofa. I don't know why she did that, I could easily have gone home. But how could I decline?
sobota, 9 maja 2009
Natalee's Fantasy
What I like most about girls, is their fantasy.
Yes, Natalee has superb tits and a great ass, and she know how to dress.
Yes, she's an excellent cook (or she knows which catering service to call - I don't care, the shrimp ravioli she fed me that first Tuesday was excellent, and when we met again last Tuesday her place smelled strongly of Moussaka, and though I'm not normally a fan of lamb, my mouth is still watering when I think back of it).
She has a sweet character too, very compassionate and understanding, very much like her brother.
But the reason why I'm going back again this Tuesday, is that she told me her fantasy, last time. When I was at the door, about to leave, at 11.30 pm, she took my wrists and brought her face to mine as to kiss me good bye. And then she whispered in my ear.
"When I saw you in the rain, I couldn't stop looking at you. I felt so guilty, it being Simon's funeral and all, but I couldn't help but want you. When you came up to me at the reception, I considered to fake that I was crying, so that I could sneak to the back with you, and that you could do me right there and then. I was afraid you could smell how wet I was. You saved me from myself by having that nosebleed, you know that?"
She let go of my wrists and leaned back. I reached in my right pocket and clenched the packet of tissues.
"Shall I see you again next Tuesday?" I said, and turned to the door so that she couldn't see me lick the blood from my upper lip.
"Same place, same time," she replied. And I walked off without turning round. So cool. I bet she saw me get the tissue out of my pocket before I bled on my shirt.
Yes, Natalee has superb tits and a great ass, and she know how to dress.
Yes, she's an excellent cook (or she knows which catering service to call - I don't care, the shrimp ravioli she fed me that first Tuesday was excellent, and when we met again last Tuesday her place smelled strongly of Moussaka, and though I'm not normally a fan of lamb, my mouth is still watering when I think back of it).
She has a sweet character too, very compassionate and understanding, very much like her brother.
But the reason why I'm going back again this Tuesday, is that she told me her fantasy, last time. When I was at the door, about to leave, at 11.30 pm, she took my wrists and brought her face to mine as to kiss me good bye. And then she whispered in my ear.
"When I saw you in the rain, I couldn't stop looking at you. I felt so guilty, it being Simon's funeral and all, but I couldn't help but want you. When you came up to me at the reception, I considered to fake that I was crying, so that I could sneak to the back with you, and that you could do me right there and then. I was afraid you could smell how wet I was. You saved me from myself by having that nosebleed, you know that?"
She let go of my wrists and leaned back. I reached in my right pocket and clenched the packet of tissues.
"Shall I see you again next Tuesday?" I said, and turned to the door so that she couldn't see me lick the blood from my upper lip.
"Same place, same time," she replied. And I walked off without turning round. So cool. I bet she saw me get the tissue out of my pocket before I bled on my shirt.
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